Nobody reallt gives ashit anyways everyine is jist curiosu and if they dont see somethinf they can relateto then fuck ot.
Like who the fck is gonan try torestjos shit anyways. Nobody. Thats wjo. And thats fine bc it reallydont mattrt at this point
Nobody fcuking csres i can go a wheole day with out my phone gettnga callor text. To me that speaks voilumes
If i were to dispapear tomrrow who the fuck woudl tryu to coemfisn me. Thats the real question.
Some days im so frustrated with life that i just want to drive my car into a wall..
Most days im struggling to keep it all together in myself, while some id just rather end them all together instead.
But hey thats selfish of me right? And yet again I would be at fault. I cant even feel what i naturally feel without being deterred by point of views from those i love dearly.
Ironically its those same people that push me into these dark places. And it becomes a struggle to hold them close to my heart bc i feel like pushing them away for taking part in stripping my own essence.
Ive often questioned my own motives to why i ever do anything in my life. Am i doing it for me? My family?
I dont know how to explain this feeling exactly but it feels like im just ‘here’. Like a flower in the ground. Im here, and living, but just stuck here on the ground while i see everyone above me like canopy of trees.
Yet even through all that ive just explained, ill still get up out of bed and hype up enough will power to just get through the motions of the day with nothing but a fake smile.
I feel hindered beyond my control now. And i really just dont have the confidence or drive anymore to keep trying to change it.
Just let me go so i can let go.